Canada Week 6: Instructing, Imitating and Injuries

So this week I really kicked off my ski instructor career! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday with an am programme and the same single girl private each afternoon. Marcus and Thea = fantastic little skiers, so we buzzed around Norquay making animal noises (personal favourite must have been the dolphins and whales; you haven't scared a person properly until you scream past them vividly personifying underwater creatures). Celeste in the afternoon had the biggest imagination ever, I barely even had to come up with interesting games as she had it sorted. I think our favourite was the avalanche game. I ski backwards holding Celeste's hands and every time she looks down at her skis the avalanche gets a little closer, until BAM we both fall over as the avalanche zooms overhead! I quickly found out this week that kids won't stop until they get a satisfactory answer and sometimes you have to be inventive. For instance:

Roo: 'Celeste, I'm putting my super powerful lasers on the front of your skis so everytime you look at them your eyes are going to burn' (its ok she's a massive tom boy and loves that kind of thing)
Celeste: 'Oh but my goggles are laser proof'
Roo: 'Ok then, this time I'm going to put a new, goggle blasting substance on the tips of your skis'
Celeste: 'What sort of substance'
Roo: 'Errrrr, well, hmmm yeah right so you know how bright the sun is..'
Celeste: 'Yeah, yeaaah!'
Roo: 'Well in the middle of the sun is this substance... sunium, and unfortunately for you have some in my pocket so everytime you now look at your skis its going to be so bright your eyes are going to pop out!!'
Celeste: 'That's totally awwweesome!!'

On Thursday I was off work , but no comfy, hot water bottle, kiss on the cheek from Lindsey Vonn wake up as I was hitting Lake Louise with Hans and BIG Al. It was a beautiful day and for a full morning we ripped up the slope until disaster struck! On quite a steep pitch BIG Al caught an edge and his 6'7'' lanky frame catapulted towards the ground. We stopped beside him and almost immediately it became apparent that something wasn't quite right! The ski patrol recommended we went to the hospital and there our worst fears were realised .. a hairline fracture to his right fibular means he cannot ski for 3 weeks at least, which sucks even more as his girlfriend is coming over soon! We still stopped off for a quick visit to the Chateau Lake Louise...

Christmas Eve was also the Norquay Staff Christmas party! So at 4:30 we made our way up the hairpin bends to 2 hours of free Christmas dinner and beer. On a spontaneous whim 347 Beaver St (my house) became the predrink venue for over 100 of the Norquay staff! It was an awesome party and the house was all intact at the end, even if for the next 2 days the whiff of stale beer, bodily fluids and that smell of sex lingered as a reminder. Liam (another instructor) in a drunken mindfuck decided to jump 3 flights of stairs and fairly obviously the world didn't break but he did. His smashed ankle was another stark reminder to everyone that any injury really kind of screws up the season.

It was a lovely start to Christmas day to chat to everyone, even if it did feel just a little weird talking to a large group sat in a room by myself. The socks were delightful as well, a step above toothbrushes anyway! I had the perfect lesson (which was fantastic as I only got 4 hours sleep the night before), an all day private with a 10 yr old girl who enjoys ripping up Mystic (hardest runs currently open), doing 360s on the snow and trying to do 180s! We spent the day laughing, flying on skis and to think I got paid at the end of the day as well! It was such a beautiful day.. this picture is looking down towards Banff from the Mystic chairlift! Today however the numbers were really low, I think there were more instructors than lift tickets sold! We went sessioning all morning, which is great as I get to keep improving my own skiing :) In the afternoon most instructors cleared out but I got a two hour private for a family... $30 tips yeaaah boyha!!

Im missing you guys loads, it just hasn't been Christmas for me being away from everyone.

Canada Week 5: Car Crash, Christmas Tree and Crusing on the Skates

On Monday myself and Yannick took it upon ourselves to get the Beaver House Christmas tree. Dodgey dealings at the scout hut.. and after about an hour of very careful consideration we were marching down Banff Ave with the finest six foot of pure piney, deepest, darkest, greenest and most Chirstmassy tree in all of Alberta! We splashed out on some lights but decorations.. hmm we got inventive :) All our sparkle attire from a few nights before went on, beer cans of various shapes and colours, hair bobbles, business cards, paper snowflakes, and the cherry on the cake with Kelly's toy monkey crowning the top of the tree. 

On Wednesday we decided to ski at Lake Louise due to the recent dump of power, the sky has practically be puking snow all over Louise and Sunshine. However after Emily took back our bus passes (a miserably sickening moment), we could no longer just happily hop onto the bus. Keen on saving money there was no way that I'm going to pay $15 each time I go, so I went hitch hiking. There was a load of people there and my heart kind of sank but I must have woken up with my happy, welcoming face on as out of the first 4 cars to pass, 2 of them stopped for me. Which was quite amusing as some Aussies had been there for 40 mins with no cars stopping! However everyone seemed to be going to Sunshine, not to worry; 'I've got this one for you guys'.. in the end out of the 8 people hitching hiking I only didn't get a car for 2 people, it must have been my energetic dancing (partially to attract attention partially out of necessity to keep warm). Nevertheless in the end Mary stopped to pick me up.

But the drama that lay ahead of us!! As we were driving along nattering away the car in front started to slide out of control. To set the scene, there are already two cars off the highway stuck in the snow, one that is about to be pulled out by a pick up truck. A man in orange dives out of the way as the car slide sideways up the back of the pickup truck, smashes onto the top stanchion, spins in the air (the Japanese woman's stricken face is still burned into the back on my retina) and slams onto the ground! We slow down and Mary asks 'should we stop' .. hell yeah! So I run back to the car and check if she is ok?! The woman is in shock but if anyone had been in the passenger seat they currently would have any legs as the whole side of the car had crumpled in! In the end we had to stay to give a police statement and it turns out that both the car and the $100,000 truck were written off. Crazy journey! The skiing at Lake Louise was awesome though as there was some chopped up powder and for the first time my skis really came into their own :) On the way home I got picked up by a guy called Cole who likes to try and do back flip japan airs (not a clue what it really is but I felt like such a douche when he asked what my favourite trick was? Haha). I've got his number though so apparently hes going to teach me some MENTAL tricks in the park. Could be awesome provided I don't die!

Thursday night I joined in the drinking games of all the EA guys as they had all passed their course that day. Great night except I'm slightly scared that one of the guys downstairs, Ed)fancies me! He is a camp as Graham Norton mixed with Gok Wan, and kept trying to stroke me (granted he was absolutely smashed) but now he keeps coming upstairs to cook and shower... hmm just a little scared! But I needed an earlier night than them as I has orientation at Norquay with Gord (ski school manager). We skied the resort then went home! Great way to earn money :) In the evening both Yannicks and myself went to drop in Volleyball at the gym. Haha it was mental, all this tiny little Japanese people charging around, giving high fives even when I massively screwed up as usual. Think we may accidentally become regulars if we aren't careful!

On Saturday we started teaching again. The uniforms are brilliant, brand new North Face jackets and pants, it just a shame we cant keep them at the end of the year! In the evening we firstly went to Nancy and Noel's house for a few homemade beers, before trekking out in minus 25 to the nearby lake for some ICE HOCKEY!! The last time I crushed the life from my feet and went skating was about 10 years ago in Blackpool, so naturally I just crashed into people, threw off my gloves and started miniature fights (its what they do on TV, except chopping someone in half and then repeated punching them in the face is hardly miniature!!). It was great fun though, even if we did loose pretty much every game, apart from the last one when I scooooooreeed, and the promptly fell over! Ahh well I scored even if my celebration did fail!

Hope everyone is good back home, and Merry Christmas xxx

Canada Week 4: Staff, Springs and SPARKLE!!

We had the 'exam' section of the instructor course this week. I have taken my fair share of exams over the years. My favourite by far being the Key Stage 3 SATS, where in English I spent  2 hrs explaining to the examiner all the positives of allowing Micheal Jackson into a primary school even though he has child abuse problems.. not too surprisingly I didn't score too highly on that one! But this exam was a little different, and unlike everyone still stuck in the monotonous drag of the education chain, the more inventive you could be the higher you scored! In one section of the assessment I had to teach the group how to turn in a snow plow.. having got everyone to choose their preferred model of airplane (shotgun Eurofighter), I got them turning through some laser beams (my ski poles stuck in the ground) and landing on a aircraft carrier (some more poles laid on the ground). Marks were awarded for the best airplane noises and high fives all around. Turns out I still have the brain of a 6 year old boy after all :)

On Thursday it was the last day of the 'exam' so we decided to go all out for the after party. One day Mike was watching videos on Youtube and happened to stumble across a video called German Sparkle Party, a party for very homosexually charged people clad in super sparkly attire. It became a running joke throughout the three weeks, and as such on Thursday night for our final meal everyone dressed up as their own versions of Sparkle partiers! It made it much more interesting trying to catch a girl's eye in the club later as I completely forgot that I looked like a cross between an exuberant Christmas tree and an slightly more muscular Indian woman. Earlier in the night for whatever reason Steven (dobber 1) challenged me to an arm wrestle.. and my competitive side jumped at the occasion! Dobber 1 down .. two and three quickly followed, until suddenly everyone wanted to see if they could beat me. It ended up with the looser having to buy the winner a drink.. fortunately for me it ended up a quite a cheap night :) Champion of arm wrestles and with a stomach of Tequila we went off to cause mayhem elsewhere!

German Sparkle Party http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-jN3vH26NQ

So back onto the work front. I have finally had my interview for babysitting and it seems like its going to be a great money grabber. I can work whenever its convenient and up to $16/hr plus tips :) During the interview Julie kept referring to all the other sitters as hers and shes ... it turns out that of all the 30 people employed I am the only guy doing it! Its kind of amusing but also massively gutting as everyone else gets t-shirts :( However I may also have another job lined up. The Banff Hockey Academy need someone with knowledge in maths (or math as they call it), chem and physics to help in the evenings at the school. In relation to my house if you fall out the front door with a slight wobble to the right you end up at the school, so this job could be perfect for me! Also I will only agree to help if I can get free hockey lessons with the academy guys! I have chosen to support the Pittsburgh Penguins, partially because they have the only hockey player I know in Sidney Crosby and that's only because his photo is sometimes on the food I buy, partially because they are close to the top and I need some bragging rights but mostly because I like Pingu and fairly obviously he is a penguin!

Yesterday evening Dan, Yannick and myself took the bus up to the Banff Hot Springs. It is a geothermal la la hoo ha, but basically a very warm swimming pool or enlarged bath. However we didn't realise it was going to be couples retreat, and felt a little awkward as we were surrounded on all sides by snogging couples. Nevertheless, it was a very relaxing end to the day (especially after the MONSTER leg session at the gym earlier. I watched a Stu playing in the Varsity game on some online programme but had to leave shortly after half time so I for the entire day I was left in suspense. Its a shame we lost... apparently they need a fly half eh eh?!

Today we went up to Norquay and did a bit of free skiing. We are going to go back tomorrow as well and clamp onto Gord until he gives us some work... il pretend to be a limpet if I have to! Hopefully by this time next week I will have been working and in the full swing of it :) The Christmas vibe is weak here.. I'm trying to build an Xmas playlist and maybe we will go and get a Christmas tree soon. We have already planned an MENTAL Christmas dinner.. pigs in blankets, meaaat, apple crumble, gluhvein ohhh yesssss! I hope I get some snow soon, grrr you have had more than me in the last 2 weeks!

Over and out xx

Canada Week Three: Lake Louise, Lottery and Lindsey Vonn

We went to watch the Winterstart World Cup this weekend, and we ended up chilling with loads of the professional skiers! It is so mental that you can sit down to have your lunch and there is Bode Miller putting his boots on 20 mins before he is going to scream down the course at 140km/hr! My lucky moments came in meeting Benny Raich at the top of the lift (Yannick was shaking when we spoke to him as he is his boyhood idol!) and grilling Andy Weibrecht on the chairlift from his favourite run (incidentally its Beaver Creek) to what the atmosphere is like at the start gate. I asked him what his best position was.. and he casually let off that it was third, he only forgot to mention that it was in Vancouver 2010 for the Bronze medal! It was a great weekend, and the atmosphere at the finish area was crazy. There was loads of media and sponsors giving free stuff away so I now have a life supply of chapstick, cuddly hippos and cow bells! Plus there was free marshmallows ... ooo yessss!  

This week we had Mike as our instructor. Haha the instructors are fantastic ... quote Jonny 'skiing slowly is like faking an orgasm!!' The snow hasn't been too great but the lessons have been just as amusing. We have been starting to teach each other which is kind of great until you get Tony, a retired chemistry teacher, who kind of sucks the life out of you, the rest of the group and the bears hibernating in the trees. If hes not careful hes going to kill of an entire sub species as there are apparently only 50-80 bears in Alberta! I have developed an SAS (or SBS for Crendon) mindset for getting the buses... its too dangerous to hang around in one place for too long, so I have been running for the buses, tripping over my boots, slipping on ice and charging reindeer on my way, but touch wood I haven't missed any ... yet?!

On Wednesday we had our orientation at Norquay. It was great to meet some of the people I'm going to be working with, but God Almighty it was a tedious day. In the morning we had two talks from Banff Life and Crazy Woman (I have forgotten the name of her group as I was so preoccupied by her erratic wavings and cringe worthy jokes). But in the afternoon we had a bit more of a productive talk from Gord about work etc .. it seems like there are an awful lot of fireable offences! But hopefully I will be alright as most are for being a totally raddd ski dude with salopettes around ankles, spliff behind your ear and enough swear words to put Gordan Ramsey to shame.

Thursday night = BINGO night woohoo! It took me back to primary school days with Mrs Curnow except in primary school you don't win $10! Partially because we use sterling currency and partly because kids shouldn't gamble, but regardless for the first time in my life I actually won money :) ..WINNNER!!! For the millisecond when I realised that I'd won I must have been the happiest person on the planet, excluding Lindsey Vonn's husband (for obvious reasons), Richie Macaw (just been named IRB player of the year plus he is going out with a Strictly Come Dancing pro mmm) and Dobby the house elf (always happy plus he has a massive facebook group). 

On Friday we decided to blow some steam after a tough week skiing, gyming and having a bit of a laugh at every available situation. We started with Ring of Fire, then went onto Tequila 'S**t in your eye!', basically they are just like tequila slammers but you sniff the salt, and squeeze the lime into your eye instead of licking it, bloody Glaswegians leading me astray. We ended the night in Dancing Sasquatch where Tim almost ended up in a fight due to a stolen cap, but a timely intervention from yours truly managed to defuse the situation :)

Today and yesterday we have been watching the women's world cup, and I seem to have accidentally formed a little crush on Lindsey Vonn. On Friday lunch I was munching away on my sandwich as she performed her pre race rituals less than a meter from me; I wanted a photo so badly but I didn't want to disturb her as she was massively in the zone! Its the Super G tomorrow so maybe I'll get my photo. The British girls have done us proud, on Thursdays training run one broke her leg and the other came last .. by two seconds, ahh dear!

On the job front it seems I'm going to get much more instructing work than I first thought, although some of the time it will be helping snow patrol, or in the shop or anything else. I had a very brief interview at Monods but nothing came of it as I couldn't commit enough time, but just today I received an email from Ultimate Ski so maybe this will produce some better results, fingers crossed. Also my face mask post finally came today, just as its warmed up now, ahh well its certainly going to get cold again. I can't believe that you have had so much snow, its been too cold here for us to get any flurries :( Ohhh and also my boot has finally been fixed so I can get some better performace now hopefully.

Missing you guys, Peace out